


the petals that keep me rooted

by torrexra



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Angst, Hanahaki Disease, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-14 12:38:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18476410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/torrexra/pseuds/torrexra
Summary: robert lewandowski moves to bayern munich, three months after he starts to die. marco reus has not wanted anything more than to forget about his past love.





	the petals that keep me rooted

**Author's Note:**

> i am sorry in advanced, this is probably going to be the saddest thing i write.

no sooner than when he first moved to munich, had he realised how much he missed dortmund. well how much he missed a certain dortmund boy. to robert the 300 miles felt like 10,000. 

three months into his season at bayern munich, robert started to cough up yellow, bloodied petals. it happened right after der klassiker. it was the first time had seen his dortmund boy since he left and couldn't help but realise that whatever feelings were once there were now no longer mutual. hell, one could say that on one side they had turned into hatred.

it broke robert to see marco's eyes no longer filled with happiness. maybe they had hurt each other just as much as the other. it didn't only hurt robert, it also made him feel sick. once the match finished, he tried to leave the pitch as quickly as possible to ensure that he wasn't sick in front of the filled stadium. 

as soon as he entered the changing rooms, he ran to the toilets and locked the door. he knelt down and coughed up yellow petals, each one stained blood red. at first robert laughed at how ironic that the petals were red and yellow and then the fear set in. 

a million questions rushed round his head like he was on a rollercoaster. how was he throwing up petals? why does it feel like his lungs are burning? why does his heart feel empty and broken? were the petals filling his heart? was it even possible for anything like this to happen? each and every thought just made him even more nauseous. he leaned over the toilet again and coughed up another few yellow and red petals. 

he rushed about to clean up and make sure that no one saw any evidence of him being sick - or whatever you would call it. he got dressed as quickly as possible and when his teammates asked him to party with them, he passed, making up a believable story. it's not like any of this would make any sense to them and he would most likely be unable to play on the pitch for a while. 

when robert got home, he opened up google on his laptop and started searching for answers. it doesn't take him long to find what it is once he enters his symptoms into the search bar. hanahaki disease. he's dying of hanahaki disease and the only way to stop dying is by forgetting. but he doesn't want to forget. he doesn't want to have surgery and he doesn't agree with the statement that it's better to have loved and lost than die in a bed of flowers. 

for the next few days he goes about his life, throwing up petals every so often, whenever he saw anything marco related. it may only be a few yellow and red petals every so often but it hurts. it hurts more than the heartbreak itself.

on one particular day, a week or so after he first started choking, he pushed himself too far in the gym. he had to excuse himself from the workout him and thomas were doing. he ran to the bathroom, violently coughing, choking, gasping for air, a whole flower worth of yellow, blood stained sunflower petals. 

thomas followed after him, checking he was alright. he spoke a hundred questions so fast that robert's head started to spin. 

"lewy, what is this? please don't tell me you're gonna die? how is this possible? do you know what this is? have you been to the doctors about it?"

robert interrupted before he could ask anything else, "i am fine thomas, i know what i have, i am fine."

"what is it then? please don't say it's serious, you may have only been for a few months but you're crucial to the team."

"i have hanahaki disease. it's not that bad, i am getting surgery to get it sorted out when the season ends. i will be as good as new when august rolls around." oh how he hoped that he wasn't waiting too long.

the next day, when robert got to training, he was almost crushed by thomas.

"what is it thomas?" robert was too tired to deal with questions. 

"well, i looked it up when i got home and well, who are you in love with? is it someone from dortmund because i read that the colours or type of flower has something to do with who you love and well obviously the colour of the flower was yellow. so which dortmund player is it? are they on the national team, because if they are i will tell them to love you back." 

"it's not as easy as that thomas. he doesn't love me anymore, i fucked up when i moved to munich, i betrayed the colours that i wore and along with that i betrayed my dortmund boy." 

"right, well it has to be marco then. i remember him being really upset over the national break because you were leaving to come here. he said something and i guessed he had some sort of feelings for you. if i am being honest though, you should tell him because as much as he hates you now, they're only temporary, to cover up whatever happiness you bring him."

robert looked deflated, he felt deflated. oh boy how is his body hated his name. the coughs came again and he had no chance to turn towards the bathrooms. he coughed them into his hands, feeling empty, his lungs burning. he closed his hand, walked past thomas who had a sympathetic look drawn on his face, and went into the bathrooms to wash away the blood and petals, hoping no one walked in on him.

it went on like this for a few more weeks. it was december and the team were meant to be having a christmas party. robert, however, had to pass. he woke up on the fourth to that choking feeling in the back of his throat, the burning feeling at the bottom of his lungs. he sat up and before he could move he was coughing. he was coughing more violently than he had before. and when he coughed up the usual amount of red stained sunflower petals, he got out of bed but his coughing and choking worsened, more petals falling onto the floor than usual. his whole body felt on fire, from the tip of his toes to the top of his head. every inch in pain and all he could do was get back into bed and cough and lay down and choke and then cough some more, every slight movement making him want to be sick even more. damn his head for making him dream of his dortmund boy, damn his heart for not being able to controls his feelings and damn his lungs for letting marco's flowers grow. 

he rang up thomas to tell the coach he wasn't able to go to the christmas do, he wasn't feeling up to it and that he won't be training for the next week. thomas, of course, understood and came up with a good excuse for him. thomas wanted to come round, make sure he wasn't dying. robert reassured him, saying he was not going to die anytime soon. he promised thomas that he would hang on until the end of the season, when he would get the surgery, and robert wasn't one to break promises, at least not usually. 

when thomas finally hung up, robert found his mind wandering back to thoughts of his dortmund boy. he wanted to scream, wanted to cry, wanted to break something, but all he could do was sit there and choke on sunflower petals, no, they were no longer just petals. now he was choking up whole sunflowers. if only he could dig a grave for his feelings and fill the hole with hatred. maybe then the flowers would grow there, rather than in his lungs.

three in the afternoon, two hours until everyone was meant to be meeting for a meal that robert wasn't attending. his choking had got worse, somehow he knew he wasn't going to make it to the end of the season. maybe promises have to be broken, sometimes. somewhere in the midst of his coughing, he picked up a pen and paper and wrote down everything, because if, like he thought, this was the end he wanted his dortmund boy to know, not to hurt him but so he didn't have to die knowing that the only way marco would know would be through thomas. he folded the letter up, wrote marco's name in big, swirly letters and placed it on the table beside his bed. 

six in the evening, one hour since the meal started that robert was supposed to be at. two hours until the whole thing will be finished and thomas will be at his house so robert can give him marco's letter. he had been trying to sleep but every time he did visions of a boy wearing yellow filled his mind. he choked up more flowers and blood. with each flower, more pain overtook his body. 

at some point during the hour, the only thing exiting out of his airways was blood. each splatter of blood making it harder for him to breathe and when he thought it had subsided, he coughed up more flowers. he was gasping for air at this point. never over the last few months did he think it would get this bad, never did he think he would ever be on the brink of dying. he always thought he would make it to the end of the season. make it until he could get the flowers removed. but now, he could feel their roots wrapping around his lungs, making it even harder for him to breathe.

eight in the evening, half an hour since the meal ended that robert didn't attend, five minutes since thomas müller and manuel neuer arrived outside of robert's house. 

"robert, let us in, i know you didn't want anyone but me knowing, but manu was really worried about what was happening so he came with me. he won't tell anyone please just let us in." after a few moments and no reply to thomas' shouting, they tried to let themselves in. thankfully, robert had left his front door unlocked. 

they walked into the house, all the lights were turned off. a slight smell filled the air, the only way either of them could describe it was earthy, which made thomas scared. manuel, however, wasn't sure what was going on as thomas didn't explain much.

they made their way into robert's room, almost scared of what they were going to find. from what thomas had told him, manuel was expecting some little shop of horrorsesque plant possibly called audrey three. that was not what they were met with though. they was met with a strong metally smell and piles of sunflower petals and whole sunflowers covering a limp body. 

thomas ran up to the bed and looked at robert. he was met with a pale face and red stained lips, curled into a smile. he wasn't sure how to react, he was panic stricken and the smell and the sight made him feel sick, but he had to be strong, had to make sure that manu was fine as he definitely wasn't expecting this. 

manuel walked up behind thomas and let out an audible gasp, no he definitely didn't expect this. in fact what was thinking, he expected a man-eating plant but not a man covered in petals. 

"what do we do now?" manuel was the first to speak, thomas was still paralysed. he just mumbled a few things before clearing his throat.

"umm, you call the ambulance and i will call coach, i don't know how we are meant to tell the world." manuel picked up his phone and dialed the emergency services and thomas did the same but with the coaches number.

about an hour passed and the ambulance had come and gone. manuel and thomas were sat at the island in his kitchen in silence. neither knew what to say, they had to see their friends dead body being carried out and the only thing to show that he was ever in his room were the petals belonging to the flowers in his lungs and the blood that followed them.

a few minutes more passed of them being in total silence when thomas remembered why he came, the letter, robert had wrote a letter. now thomas felt worse because he wrote a letter, he wrote a letter to say how he felt and now all thomas could think about was how robert must've thought he was going to die today otherwise he wouldn't have wrote a letter. 

so thomas got off the stool and walked back into the bedroom, he really didn't want to but he needed to get the letter. after a minute or two of searching he found it on the table next to his bed. 'marco reus' was scribed over the front of the paper. he placed it in his pocket and collected manuel so they could leave.

one in the afternoon, eighteen hours after robert's last breath, thomas arrived at marco reus' residence. he felt that marco would prefer the news of someone he knows rather than the news. he pulled into the drive way, got out of the car and knocked on the door.

the door swung open, revealing a confused marco. he stood for a second or three before letting thomas in and closing the door behind him. thomas followed marco into his living room.

"take a seat i guess." after both of the men were sat down, marco opened his mouth again, "what are you doing here thomas?" 

"well you see..." thomas trailed off, too scared to carry on, too scared to meet marco's eyes. he took a deep breath and started again. "well you see, um, robert wrote you a letter and he wanted me to give it to you. you see, he was dying marco. he was dying of hanahaki and he there was nothing he could do about it. he was scared to tell the person he loved that he loved them and he was meant to get this surgery at the end of the season that stops the whole thing but in order to do that he would forget his feelings. well he wrote this letter and said that if he was to die before the surgery to give it to you. well me and manuel found him last night so i came straight here to give you the letter. i am so sorry marco, i know i should have told you as soon as i found out but robert begged me not to." 

"i get it, i really do," marco blinked back the tears that were starting to form, "do you know what it says?"

"as far as i am aware it just him confessing his feelings, i haven't read it." thomas passed marco the letter and got up, " i best be off and let you read the letter." 

eight in the evening, twenty four hours after robert was found. marco sat on his bed re reading the letter for the millionth time, unsure of what to do, how to react. he didn't know why he can't stop reading the letter, all it did was make him cry. why couldn't his bayern boy have told him sooner. one line of robert's letter stook out to marco more than the rest, it kept playing over and over in his head, "they say it is better to have loved and lost but now i am dying and knowing how much i love you, i have realised it's better to die happy and in love than live sad and empty."

every part of the letter meant something to marco and so he kept it with him until he started the same cycle as robert, coughing up bloody petals. except he had a different dortmund boy.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading, don't hesitate to comment your opinions


End file.
